Why Is Love So Complicated?
Everybody needs love. Not everybody gets the love that they desire. In a world full of aesthetic standards and sexual complexity, we humans try to make sense of it all. While also trying to understand where we belong within the collective chaos that is society.
Love and intimacy is what adds to the complexity of human existence. Our need for each other as social beings is the very thing that has contributed to the success of humanity on this planet, dating back to prehistoric times. It has also contributed to our hatred for the other, fueled by sexual selection and competitive fury. It’s fair to say that love can bring out the best and the worst of human nature.
Humans are one of the few species in the biosphere who engage in sexual intimacy for pleasure rather than solely for reproductive purposes. Other apes, including Bonobos, are known to use sex as a means for settling conflicts. However, humans are also notorious for their violent behavior. Unquestionably the most warlike species, humanity has been plagued by violence, domestic and foreign, for as far back as the human mind can reminisce. Love and passion has aided this violence through the ages. As romanticized by ancient mythology, large scale conflicts have been fought in the name of love.
Today, human beings are presented with an environment that romantisizes intimacy, while also regularly presenting the impediments to achieving healthy relationships. Social media, and dominant culture as a whole, promotes the toxic side of our nature. This development makes our interactions with potential mates more complex. Gender roles are routinely debated. Such an environment further complicates the dynamics of love.
In Western society especially, socioeconomic stressors highly influence the politics of intimacy. Males are pressured to appear as the strongest and wealthiest, while females are routinely judged by standards of physical attraction. Values built around a code of ethics have largely been thrown out of the window. Superficiality largely defines relations with the opposite sex.
Therefore, true love is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Sexuality has been deprived of its monogamous image. After events like the Sexual Revolution during the countercultural revolution of the 1960s and 1970s, and the decades that have followed during years of profound technological and social advancement, human sexuality has morphed into a vast universe. The expansion of the LGBTQ communuity has instilled these cultural developments into many of our societies across the globe. We live in a world of evolving sexuality.
While norms and customs associated with sexuality have transformed over the generations, a lot of people walking this Earth lack any meaningful intimate relationships. Many of us lack confidence or struggle with dietary and health issues. Those of us who fall within this demographic can sometimes isolate and even self-destruct. However, love can be overrated. All of us have demons. All of us have our flaws. Intimate relationships can make life far more stressful and complex. Relationships can even prove to be deadly. The most important love that any human being can experience is the love for oneself. Self love is truly the key to success in any of the relationships that we experience with others.
Conclusively, love is something that all humans need. As sexual beings, we crave intimate relationships with others. These relationships can be healthy, but they can also prove to be toxic for either or both of the parties involved. The most successful relationships that we create in our lives with others will always be aided positively by the healthy feelings that we experience towards ourselves. Humanity is unique in terms of its sexual and intimate nature. It is what fuels our existence through sexual reproduction. The lense through which we view sexuality and love goes a long way in determining our social experience and is reflected in our relationship with ourselves. Peace with ourselves goes a long way in determining the health and quality of our intimate relationships. So let us strive to love ourselves more than even those we love with great passion.
